Introspection

I got into an argument on Reddit.
Who gets into arguments on Reddit?

It shook my inner peace.
I deleted the entire thread.

What did I realize from that interaction?
That who I am is ugly in another’s eyes.

That person left with a bad experience of me.
Because I was quick to judge their comment.

I am on the defensive it seems.
Too many people are liars.

They claim to be kind to everyone.
They are not kind to me.

I am sorry Reddit stranger.
You will likely never see this.

That interaction made me realize so much.
Like how social media offers the illusion of bravery.

I am brave in real life.
I am equally as brave online.

I will not say things I would not say to your face.
Though people say extremely absurd things to me.

I thought I was reacting to another one of those.
It turns out I was reading too far into the comment.

When I react defensively, it reminds me to shut it off.
Shut off the computer, shut off the smartphone, shut it off.

Because these strangers hide behind a screen.
Behind the safety of their curated facade.

They do not want others to know their secrets.
They do not wish to look anything less than godlike.

They are not godlike.
They are just like you and me.

The female form is a thing of beauty.
Why I would hide my own version is beyond me.

I will often exclaim “you are so beautiful!” to other women.
That is the type of energy I wish to attract.

Not the people who ask me why my husband hasn’t stepped in.
Do they think a husband’s role is to keep a woman caged?

That is why he is my husband.
And why the other man will likely remain wife-less.

When he does find himself a woman one day, I pray.
I pray for that woman to be chained to a man with a ring.

No one complains of celebrity nakedness.
Why do they complain about my unknown nakedness?

At least these interactions provide me with an abundance of writing material.

To allow me to examine myself further, just when I thought I was unshakeable.

Originally I had protested to never return to social media.

I can see why now.

I vow to push forward through these ugly experiences.
Because maybe you experience them, too.

I will continue to tell other people they are beautiful.

I will continue to be married to an open-minded person who “allows” this.

To keep the chains around my neck from social media would be redundant.

I know how to use a spiritual angle grinder to cut them off.

I will continue to post photographs of my body.
And I will continue to thank the ones who wish me support.

I will continue to thank my supportive husband.
Who does not associate himself with the role of jailkeeper.

I will continue to be myself and express that.
Knowing that some people cannot handle that expression.

Perhaps it is my marijuana consumption.
That simultaneously draws people in while causing others offense.

“A mom should not do that!”
A mom should do what she wants.

Perhaps it is my tarot card or crystal placement in photographs.
Next to my body, a body like everyone else has.

Perhaps it is my sexualisation of tools and mechanics.
To express myself as modest would be lying.

I am the divine feminine.
Working in a majorly divinely masculine environment.

My divine masculine traits come out in my daily life.
In my interactions and through my writing style.

The divine feminine is the part of me most often photographed.

The divine masculine in me can be seen in the tools that accompany my body.

I know how to use those tools.
I know how to use my body.

Weights for muscle strength.
Nutritious food and water for efficiency.

Marijuana to relax.
Meditation for clarity.

So this is a reminder for any person reading.
That there will always be someone out there to judge you.

Do not take to heart the judgement of others.
They are managing insecurities within themselves reflected by you.

My good friend Codie messaged me recently.
He said “if you are getting hate, you are doing something right”.

He receives hate messages, too.
He responds with wit and intelligence that far surpasses mine.

And you know what?
His responses are always kind.

Because he knows that it is a reflection of them.
And not a reflection of him.

Hi, Codie.
He will laugh that I wrote about him here.

He creates abstract art for the gay community.
His art is wildly fantastic and you can find it here, if interested.

Friends like Codie remind me every single day.
That it always pays off to be kind.

I hope you have a wonderful day.
May people be kind to you, too.

Kaila A. Notto

Copyright Β© The Mindful Millwright 2020.Β All Rights Reserved.


































4 Replies to “Introspection”

  1. Enjoyed this, Kaila!

    (Though I’ve never actually been on Reddit. πŸ™‚)

    Like

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