To Know

What is it like
To experience depression

To have anxiety
Or PTSD

It is to know better

To know that some days will be hard
To know that there will be new fears to overcome

To know that some days will be easier than others
To know that some days I will be happy

To know that some days I will want to escape
To know that some days I must hang on

To know that most days I will thrive
To know that one day I may succeed

To know that the flashbacks aren’t real
To know that the nightmares are over

To know that some experiences are difficult
To know that some days I will be sad

To know that it is all in my brain structure
To know that it remains encapsulated in my memory

To know that some things will trigger it
To know that I must stay in bed on those days

To know that those days in bed will heal me
To know that perhaps tomorrow I will get out of bed

To know that some people love me
To know that some people don’t like me

To know all about the ups
To know all about the downs

To know how addictive fear is
To know how addictive healing is

To know that I do not know enough
To know that there’s always more to know

To know better

What is it like, then
To be a tradeswoman

To be working in industry
With all of those men

It is to know better

To know that they are my friends
To know that they are my mentors

To know that they want me to succeed
To know that some may want to see me fail

To know that they shaped me into who I am
To know that they gave me their strength

To know that every man is different
To know that it depends on the person

To know that they are just like me
To know that they are vastly different

To know better than to judge him by his looks
To know that the biggest guy may be the kindest

To know that the small guy may be feisty
To know that appearance isn’t everything

To know how to accurately use measuring tools
To know how to gently manipulate a micrometer

To know how to weld and to solder
To know how to turn nuts onto bolts

To know how to use an impact gun
To know how to handle a 1″ drive one

To know how to read a tape measure
To know how to align equipment on the line

To know what a cylinder is
To know what a pump looks like

To know what a motor does
To know what equipment goes where

To know that asking for help is a must
To know that they are always willing

To know that it looks scarier than it is
To know that women can thrive here

To know that I did it
To know that you can

To know better

Kaila A. Notto

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