What is it like
To experience depression
To have anxiety
Or PTSD
It is to know better
To know that some days will be hard
To know that there will be new fears to overcome
To know that some days will be easier than others
To know that some days I will be happy
To know that some days I will want to escape
To know that some days I must hang on
To know that most days I will thrive
To know that one day I may succeed
To know that the flashbacks aren’t real
To know that the nightmares are over
To know that some experiences are difficult
To know that some days I will be sad
To know that it is all in my brain structure
To know that it remains encapsulated in my memory
To know that some things will trigger it
To know that I must stay in bed on those days
To know that those days in bed will heal me
To know that perhaps tomorrow I will get out of bed
To know that some people love me
To know that some people don’t like me
To know all about the ups
To know all about the downs
To know how addictive fear is
To know how addictive healing is
To know that I do not know enough
To know that there’s always more to know
To know better
What is it like, then
To be a tradeswoman
To be working in industry
With all of those men
It is to know better
To know that they are my friends
To know that they are my mentors
To know that they want me to succeed
To know that some may want to see me fail
To know that they shaped me into who I am
To know that they gave me their strength
To know that every man is different
To know that it depends on the person
To know that they are just like me
To know that they are vastly different
To know better than to judge him by his looks
To know that the biggest guy may be the kindest
To know that the small guy may be feisty
To know that appearance isn’t everything
To know how to accurately use measuring tools
To know how to gently manipulate a micrometer
To know how to weld and to solder
To know how to turn nuts onto bolts
To know how to use an impact gun
To know how to handle a 1″ drive one
To know how to read a tape measure
To know how to align equipment on the line
To know what a cylinder is
To know what a pump looks like
To know what a motor does
To know what equipment goes where
To know that asking for help is a must
To know that they are always willing
To know that it looks scarier than it is
To know that women can thrive here
To know that I did it
To know that you can
To know better
Kaila A. Notto
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