Mindful and Millwright

My name is Kaila A. Notto
I am The Mindful Millwright.

My sister created my moniker
She is my lifelong best friend.

Our mother passed away in 2014
She died in our kitchen in my arms.

Her death devastated our father
The heartbreak killed our grandma.

CPR revived Mom but she was in a coma
Five days later we had to let her go.

It was the hardest experience
That I have experienced in life.

My depression had skyrocketed
My anxiety went through the roof.

I no longer wanted to live
I wanted to commit suicide.

The moment that I decided to die
Was the moment we reconnected.

“Not on my watch!” Mom said
I did not understand at the time.

I thought I was insane
So did everybody else.

But I was still alive
So insane was okay.

I had two options
These are them:

Live and research or
Die and finalize my life.

My rational mind was perplexed
Plus I had loved ones to live for.

My father, grandma and sister
Would all be devastated if I died.

They told me they would
Because they were scared.

They hid the knives
Because they were scared.

They put me back on medication
Because we were all so scared.

Nobody thought
I’d survive that.

Especially me.
I am glad I did.

I started to heal
I started writing.

Remained med-free
Understood my purpose.

Discovered philosophy
Discovered spirituality.

Dissolved Ego
Still dissolving.

Finally breathing again
Finally learning to live.

I could hear the messages
But they were inaudible.

I asked for a translation
They showed me divination.

“What kind of divination?”
They pointed towards tarot.

I was frustrated
I couldn’t learn.

Then I relaxed
And I learned.

Patience is a virtue
As Mom would say.

Now I am here
Enjoying divination.

TikTok helped me grow
The community is great.

The app’s algorithm is good
It matches like-minded people.

After calibrating my gifts
I refocused on my career.

I will be licensed soon
As an industrial mechanic.

Years of apprenticeship
Years of education, done.

The words industrial millwright
Finally carved out in stone.

In Canada we must write an exam
Called Certificate of Qualification.

Along with a competency book
And over 7200 hours of work.

It is challenging
It is worth it.

My daily life is mechanical
Gearboxes, pumps and tools.

In the steel manufacturing industry
Working as a maintenance planner.

My career is truly rewarding
I cannot handle another job.

So when tarot turned side-business
My mental health rapidly declined.

Personal issues had mounted
That was the icing on the cake.

I will offer tarot for free
It is fun for me to do.

I have boundaries
That is important.

My life is very full
Plenty of responsibility.

A career in skilled trades
That rely on my skills.

A loving home life
My family is priority.

Healing through writing
One tarot reading at a time.

I will leave it at that
That’s a summation.

Kaila A. Notto.

Copyright © The Mindful Millwright 2020-21. All Rights Reserved.

Published by The Mindful Millwright

Kaila A. Notto

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