Skin Suit

Welcome to this house of mirrors
What show will you see today?

Will I perform as a tradesperson?
Or read tarot cards for you?

Please, choose your costume
So I may dress appropriately.

Am I the put-together supermom today?
Or the sufferer of mental health symptoms?

Am I going to wear makeup and look nice
Or remain frazzled looking; nearly unkempt.

It is up to me
It is up to me.

The day I lost my mother to COPD
Was the day I realized my true character.

I am a person who lives
Outside of my descriptors.

This body performed CPR
To try and save her body.

This mind suffered trauma
For being unable to save her.

This soul experienced immeasurable healing
Because life was discovered postmortem.

She lived
Despite dying.

She survived
We both did.

I remember them all
The ones who have gone.

The ones who were mine
This lifetime was ours.

They are gone
But not gone.

They are here
But not here.

I still smell the things
That remind me of them.

The wood fireplace in winter
Cigarette smoke in the air.

Small fragments of them
Left behind in sense memory.

Unforgettable smells
Unforgettable people.

It hurts
I will tell you.

It hurts
I will not lie.

Time heals
This is true.

Time does not erase memories
The experiences experienced.

Time is a simple tool
Use it as you will.

Use time to understand
Understanding stifles pain.

Time does not erase
The pain we want to stifle.

How could it?
How could it?

I choose not to dwell
On the mysterious what-ifs.

What if she had lived?
What if she was here?

Because she did not
Because she is not.

That is what happened
That is what I must feel.

Energy is subtle
Our characters loud.

Noisy, jumbled communication
Humans in skin suits running amok.

Do not let the frantic actions of others
Cause unrest within your disquieted mind.

Look towards the frantic frenzy
They are all attached to something.

Greed, skin-suits, labels, power
Attachments anchor us to false reality.

Love, laughter, wisdom and peace
Releasing attachments illuminates truth.

You are much, much more
Than your fancy skin-suit.

Kaila A. Notto

Copyright © The Mindful Millwright 2020-21. All Rights Reserved.

Published by The Mindful Millwright

Kaila A. Notto

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