My dreams have become so vivid.

That is one of my favorite symptoms of spending more time on my health; work is picking up too with idle operations coming back up so it helps to have the added exercise in the imagination department.

When I was younger I struggled with learning, but I managed.

This followed me throughout my life until adulthood when I realized that I learn differently than the majority of people and i felt at peace knowing that there wasn’t something wrong with me.

One of my earliest and most frustrating memories is of my classmates in kindergarten reading the illusion books and seeing the hidden images.

I could never see the goddamn shapes or images that were behind the illusion and it frustrated me to all hell.

That feeling of not “getting something like the others” followed me through until university; I remained jealous of those who were able to understand the material so quickly while I struggled.

Mental health was not as prevalent in the media in the early 2000’s as it is today; the widespread boost of information surely has helped some kids who are in the position I was back then.

My biggest problem was that I lived too much in my head focused on things that didn’t matter.

The teacher would be speaking and my internal dialogue would be panic like this:

“Oh my god I missed the first bit of what she said.”
“I won’t understand this now.”
“It’ll look so dumb if I ask her to repeat it.”
“The other kids are writing. I should be writing.”
“What are they writing down?”
“People probably notice I’m not writing.”

That would go on and on.

Time passed so slowly.

And I despised being a student in school.

Then in college I realized that I was a visual learner and needed to see things in action or visualize them in my mind with a good explanation to provide my head with the required material to learn.

Instead of focusing on what people thought about me or anything else, I focused on that picture in my mind.

Slowly I gained a library in my mind, and there is always available space for new titles.

When I first started to learn my trade I was very overwhelmed.

There are still times where I feel overwhelmed, but I ask a lot of questions when it happens.

Trade language is entirely a world of its own; from fasteners to sizes, learning about hydraulics, process operations, site specific safety and more, there is always something to learn.

It has been a great career so far.

My husband transformed a spare room in our basement to the office we have been talking about since living in a condo in Toronto when we first started dating; I’m so proud of how he works to transform our home to the way we dreamed about early on.

Our certifications are side by side, and there is space for my millwright license when I finally write.

It has been thirteen days since my last drink and I didn’t think I would last this long, lol.

The first week was rough.

My routine was a beer after work with dinner and a couple on the weekends; that changed to tea and my body was not happy about it at first.

Night sweats, cravings, low mood and irritability were some of the symptoms.

Now I feel better than I have in about a year!

The excitement to be pregnant again is creeping up and I’m even starting to work at creating a nursery for our next babe; I’m so excited this time around because I’m a lot less terrified.

For now I am off to eat some leftover Boston Pizza slices and I hope you are having a good start to the new year.

Until next time, thanks for reading!

by Kaila A. Notto

Business Name: Ramen Misoya
Service Type: Miso Specialty Store
Location: Toronto, ON
Experience: You cannot beat the flavor of the broth or noodles from Misoya. The staff are friendly and helpful and a hot bowl pairs nicely with a Sapporo at home. Can’t wait to return here soon! I recommend the Vegetarian Tan Tan Ramen for a nice boost in the wintertime. The Vegetarian Gold Kome Miso and Vegetarian Silver Shiro Miso are out of this world, too.


©TMM 2020-2021

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